Center of Attention Blues
The Big Day! All the attention is focused on YOU! Any of us, secretly or overtly, likes to be the center of attention, at least once in awhile. (Although we have noticed there are some people that would be fine with that all the time!) Yes, we understand there was a lot of time spent planning and dreaming and then… it’s over, in an instant! But what does one do with a case of the ‘post wedding let-down blues” ? How does a newlywed couple who is feeling sad, cope with the fact that just a few weeks after the big event that was focused entirely on them, is now just looking at each other over a breakfast table, covered with a pile of thank you cards to fill out, and thinking, “I’m sad”!
Here are our thoughts on getting a grip, coping and the big picture:
1. YOU’RE NO LONGER THE CENTER OF ATTENTION
Yes, everyone outwardly swears an aversion to wedding planning. Truth is, deep down, you actually liked most it. You were the Big Kahoona and Queen for a day in a setting that focused solely on you. You were waited on, flattered beyond normal and applauded with gifts. And now? The doting crowd has moved on to the next big thing.
The remedy: Remember that this is temporary. Other things will happen that will steer the focus back to you both. Anniversaries, children, better jobs, etc. and then once more life will soon return to normal. Drama all the time gets old, so learn to enjoy the quiet time.
2. WHY DID BEING THE CENTER OF ATTENTION COST SO MUCH!!!
Debt is annoying, no matter how big or small the amount. No one looks forward to a financial burden that could follow you into the next decade if you’re not careful. So, if you have a large amount of wedding debt, after the big event is over you might wake up and wonder…what the heck happened? Did we really spend more than what we had saved so that our friends could drink the bar dry and toast us with that champagne we also paid for?
The remedy: Do some financial planning and budgeting before the wedding. The most overwhelming thing about debt is not having any idea or plan on how you will pay it back! Keep in mind, this was your choice to share your big day with everyone you care about and who cares about you. Now hopefully, you both are responsible and have decent jobs. Hopefully, together you can agree on an amount per month to pay the weddingpalooza off. That will create a bond that reminds you both why it was decided on a big wedding rather than running off to the Elvis Chapel in Vegas.
3. YOUR WEDDING EXTRAVAGANZA DIDN’T MATCH YOUR EXPECTATIONS, (THOUGH BEING THE CENTER OF ATTENTION WAS PRETTY AWESOME)
So, the party’s over and you and your spouse are sitting around recounting all the things that didn’t go either as planned, expected, dreamed of, or just plain went awry. It could be as big as your outdoor expectations were rained out, to as minute a detail as, the ribbon on my wedding bouquet wasn’t ivory, it was champagne. Though you both agree it was an amazing day, deep down you’re thinking… I really wish the flower girl and ring bearer had just behaved a little better while walking down the aisle, or that Mom didn’t burst into loud sobs every 5 seconds, or that the best man had not kept gawking your best friends single sister all night long.
The Remedy: Go into the bedroom and turn the lights down low. Both of you look at each other. Wife, let the tears of disappointment run down your face and hug your new hubby. Conversely hubby, make sure your man-card is intact and don’t say anything you might be sorry for later, and comfort your wife. Do this for exactly 2 minutes and then ask yourself the following questions:
ARE WE HAPPY? ARE WE GLAD WE’RE MARRIED? DID WE HAVE AN AWESOME TIME AT OUR WEDDINGPALOOZA? If the answers to those questions are a big fat yes, then you need to get a grip on your pity party and move on. Really. Let it go and embrace the fact that you, your family, your friends, and all your guests including the weird cousin on your wife’s side, to the middle aged uncle on your husband’s side who really needs to get past his Peter Pan complex had a great time.
Look at each other and admit it….We threw one heck of a fantastic wedding celebration!
In the end, you will always have things to laugh about, whine about, and wish you had done differently or exactly the same. Then there’s that yearly exercise in planning called an Anniversary. I know people that do those with a bang each year! (Heck, my parents are celebrating their 65th… that’s a lot of parties!) And I know people that simply share the moment with the realization that they still love each other as much as they did on that big day and are still the center of each other’s attention.
Now got out and have yourself a pity free, center of attention, wholesale flower filled day!